Malay Wedding - Performance & Conclusion

As conclusion, there are 5 main stages in Malay wedding: 

 1. Adat Merisik - informal proposal by the groom's family members

 2. Adat Meminang - family members from both sides will discuss about the suitable time and date

                                  for the engagement ceremony and wedding ceremony

 3. Bertunang - also known as engagement ceremony

 4. Akad Nikah - to obtain the consent of both bride and groom

 5. Bersanding 

Performance

The Importance of Preserving Malay Wedding

Why do we need to preserve Malay Wedding?

1. "Merisik" session is important because it shows that the man is serious in the relationship and he want to marry the woman. At this duration of time, he needs to meet the woman's parents to ask the permission and blessings. Since women are precious in Malay culture, the parents are responsible to make sure that their daughter is going to marry the right guy. 

2. Then, the engagement ceremony is held. During this moment, both sides from the man and woman (the parents from both sides) will first meet and discuss about the wedding date and also the number of hantaran (gifts) will be given to both sides. According to Malay tradition , during this session, the man is not allowed to join the discussion because there are still boundaries between the man and the woman. At the end of the discussion, the man's mother will place the engagement ring on the woman's finger and the couple is now officially engaged. This is important in Malay's culture as this is the moment where the parents from both sides can discuss with each other about the wedding ceremony.

3. During the wedding reception, the last adat is going to be held which is "Bersanding". Bersanding is a moment of time in which the bride and the groom will be seated on the "pelamin" (stage) and the family and friends from both sides will do the blessings which is called "tepung tawar". This step is compulsory for Malays as it will ensure that the couple will receive the blessings from the people who they know and at the same time, people will know that couple is officially married.

In a nutshell, Malay wedding has so many traditions that are always mistaken as a burden. However, those traditions should be preserved as they resemble the Malay culture. 

Preparation for A Malay Wedding

Preparation For A Malay Wedding

Persediaan Akad Nikah

Based on the first picture, the Tok Kadi would inspect the money brought along with another 2 witnesses. After that, the Tok Kadi will personally meet the bride in order to get the nod for the engagement to go ahead as planned. In the picture, the Tok Kadi will recite the engagement Khutbah and explain the rules and laws from the religion's point of view.

From the second picture, we could see that the groom, once who has accepted the terms and understood the rules which were recited by the Tok Kadi, would shake hands with him as a sign of acknowledgement. While they are shaking hands, the Tok Kadi would say aloud the sentences needed and the groom will have to respond in accordance to what the Tok Kadi has said. Witnesses around them would be the ones to prove that the ceremony was legal and acknowledged.

Videos, Dos and Don'ts of Malay Weddings and Traditional Items Used in Malay Weddings

Videos of Malay Wedding Customs

Majlis Adat Merisik 

Majlis Adat Meminang

Majlis Akad Nikah

Majlis Adat Berinai 

Majlis Bersanding

The Dos and Don'ts of Malay Weddings

Although there are no hard-and-fast rules about what should and should not be done during Malay weddings, there are certain expectations as to how the bridal couple and guests should behave. For example, the bridal couple are traditionally not allowed to talk too much or even laugh during the bersanding, and guests are expected to dress their best. Most Malay guests turn up in traditional Malay attire. Female guests are expected to dress modestly, and off-shoulder or sleeveless clothes are avoided.

Traditional Malay Items Used in Malay Weddings

Despite changes to wedding rituals and ceremonies over time, most Malay weddings still retain some traditional features. A traditional symbol of Malay weddings is the bunga manggar, which symbolises prosperity and expresses the hope that the couple will have many children. When it is tied to a road sign, lamp post or placed at a bus-stop, the bunga manggar serves as a directional landmark to help guests locate the wedding reception.35

Other items commonly seen at Malay weddings are the sirih dara and bunga mayang. These are floral arrangements symbolising the chastity of the bride, and are usually gifts from the groom to the bride’s family.36

The pulut pahar, which represents fertility, is found on the pelamin. This plant-like structure is made of hard-boiled eggs. After the reception, half of it is given to the mak andam and the other half returned to the bride’s family.

Traditional Malay Wedding Customs in Malaysia (Introduction and Historical Background)

Weddings of the Malay community are generally festive, grand and celebratory affairs with many guests. Ceremonies may be held over several days in traditional Malay weddings.

ADAT MERISIK

The Adat Merisik, ( ‘Spying Custom’) is actually an ‘asking’ ceremony. 

• In the olden times, the family of a man whose age is right to get married will scout around and then identify the potential brides for him. 

• In modern times however, this Adat is being replaced with the practice where the man would suggest to his family who he wants to get married to. 

The Merisik process does not conclude with a formal proposal. It is instead just a ‘getting to know the family’ visit. This means that one or more representative from the man’s family will visit the potential bride’s family for purely ‘investigation’ purposes so they can start to think further about the possibility of marriage in the near future. If no further progress are made, then the man’s family will probably look at other choices.

ADAT MEMINANG

Once agreement for the marriage has been reached between the families of the potential bride and the potential bridegroom, preparations for meminang (engagement) take place. Representatives from the young man’s side will once again visit the house of the young woman.

On the side of the potential bride, a consensus is obtained regarding the following, among them are:

• The date and time for the meminang ceremony
• The amount of money to be paid by the young man for wang belanja (expenses)
• Details regarding the hantaran (gift) items and others

On the day of the engagement, the young man’s party will bring the items agreed upon. The couple will be represented not by their parents but by other carefully selected persons, often senior relatives.

Here, the date for the akad nikah (wedding ceremony) and various other conditions and requirements will be also confirmed by both parties. Once all such matters have been resolved, the man’s representatives will hand over all the hantaran (gift) items, except for the engagement ring. The ring will be placed on the finger of the potential bride by an elder sister or aunt of the potential bridegroom. The potential bride will be in her chamber while this is all happening.

AKAD NIKAH

The Akad Nikah is the actual religious solemnisation of the marriage. Consent of both the bride and the bridegroom must be obtained, and the religious official (usually a kadhi) conducting the marriage must make sure the marriage is entered into willingly by both the parties.

At times the marriage solemnization is in fact done by the girl’s father in the presence of religious officials. In a brief sermon given by the officials, the bridegroom and the bride will receive a briefing on their rights and responsibilities as a married couple, particularly from the Islamic perspective.

There must be two official witnesses at the Akad Nikah. A marriage certificate will be issued by the kadhi or State Religious Council representatives following the ceremony, and this is to be signed by the bridegroom, the bride as well as the witnesses.

ADAT BERINAI

The ceremony of Berinai involves the staining of the couple’s hands with henna. Lesser or greater berinai ceremonies are held three times as follows:

a. Berinai Curi takes place three nights before the actual wedding ceremony (akad nikah) with the participation of close relatives and friends only.
b. Berinai Kecil. Takes place two nights before the wedding ceremony with the participation of family members, neighbours and close friends.
c. Berinai Besar is usually held after the completion of the religious ceremony (Akad Nikah).

The Adat Berinai is intended to cleanse both the young persons now married to each other. Henna is regarded as a blessed item, that is, it is used as a means of cleansing and protection from evil or malicious influences.

BERSANDING

A mak andam is often engaged to serve as the bride’s beautician and consultant for the day.The sirih lat-lat is delivered to the groom’s house to inform him that the bride is ready to receive him and his entourage.

The wedding ceremony begins with the groom going to the bride’s home, usually accompanied by a kompang or hadrah (Malay drum) band, bunga manggar (palm blossoms made from tinsel paper) carriers, friends and relatives.

When the groom arrives at the bride’s home, her friends and relatives will try to prevent him from reaching the bride. The groom will then give a present of money to bribe his way to his bride. Sometimes, the groom has to pay the mak andam to remove the fan she is holding in front of the bride’s face.

The highlight of the wedding is the bersanding, when the bridal couple, in their wedding finery, sit on thrones placed on the pelamin (dias). They are treated as king and queen for the day. During the ceremony, friends, relatives and guests offer their blessings and congratulations, and sprinkle yellow rice and flower petals – both items are symbols of fertility – on the bridal couple.

After the ceremony, the bride and groom will eat together in the makan berdamai or makan bersama ceremony.

History about Malay Wedding

The Malay Peninsula and Borneo lie half-way between India and China. This position makes them are the natural entrepots between these two giants. It is surmised that early traders met and bartered goods in shelter places along the Strait of Malacca, on the southern tip of the Peninsula. Indians initially went to the Malaysian peninsula in search of a mystical place known as the "Land of Gold." Although the places in Malaysia may not have been what they were looking for, they didn't leave, but continued to arrive in search of gold, spices and aromatic wood.

In addition to trade (with goods), the Indians introduced Hinduism and Buddhism to the peninsula, thus bringing temples and other cultural traditions from India.  As a result, local kings in Malaysia combined what they considered to be the best aspects of India's government with their own structure, thus resulting in "Indianised kingdoms."

Today,  the Indian influences can best be seen in a traditional Malay wedding ceremony, which is similar to those in India. The bride and groom dress in gorgeous brocades, sit in state, and hands painted with henna.